Let's talk a bit about deep spiritual longing--and why it's actually beside the point
Jones, when it’s used as a noun or verb, seems to mostly be an American expression: ‘To Jones,’ which no doubt derives from the old saying keeping up with the Joneses.
But Jones, the noun/verb, isn’t just about comparison and competition. It’s more of an ache. A hunger. Jonesing for a fix. Or maybe sometimes, just Jonesing for a pizza.
Both of these Jones expressions apply, when we’re talking about spiritual longing.
As in: Why am I not enlightened yet? Or, How come I can’t hear the voice of Spirit, when I’ve been trying so hard for such a long time? Or, Why can’t I transcend the egoic self/live in the now/just let it all go?
Other people do it. Other people wake up all the time, into pure awareness of being. Why not me?
Yeah. Good question. Why not you? Why not any of us? There’s no real answer.
This is not everybody’s issue, of course. Some of us do wander around fully connected, radiating oneness and whatnot 24/7. And if you’re one of them, I rejoice with you.
But most people do not experience themselves as that. I’ve spoken about this topic before, I know. I’m bringing it up again, because so many have poured out their hearts to me, and continue to do so, on this subject.
Because they’ve read somewhere that Eckhart Tolle checked himself into a cheap motel and emerged the next day in abiding awareness. They’ve heard that a cockroach ran over Byron Katie’s toes, which startled her into a permanent awakening.
Whoa. So…could we maybe combine the two—a cheap motel with cockroaches—and get a similar result? Yeah, probably not.
You are (but also are not) in charge of your own spiritual evolution. You need to take the steps, in other words. But the trip advisor route seems to be a preset: You’ll awaken when all parts of you are good and ready. And the timing of that bit is not in your control.
Historical Jonesing versus now
There have always been those who thirst for enlightenment. It’s nothing new; the ancient sutras are full of stories about them.
But the modern phenomenon of social media adds another big element of pain to that quest. That hopeless sense of comparison with others…especially if those others are previously ‘normal’ people of your own online acquaintance, who suddenly emerge from their messy caterpillar cocoon as a bona fide butterfly.
What?? How did that happen? And then the inevitable comparisons arise.
I totally get it. I myself am not immune to the Jones thing. For decades I wanted so very badly to awaken. Permanently, I mean. Which is an entirely different thing from those mind-blowing little previews of coming attractions, that have so often come my way.
Those are fun. But after a few days or weeks they fade. So I was Jonesing for the real deal—the kind of awakening that would lift me out of the pain of being me. And that kind of awakening is a full body thing (as we’ve discussed before). All parts of the mental-emotional-physical and spiritual self have to be on board with it.
Enter the spiritual marketplace
For years, if an interesting and/or credibly quick route to liberation was promised by any spiritual offering, I couldn’t help but at least consider it: Maybe this time, maybe this will be the one. I usually resisted the temptation, but now and then that hunger got the better of me.
I once signed up for a webinar where unseen benevolent Beings were offering to upgrade our DNA. The theory being, that higher-functioning DNA would kickstart the rest of our mind, body and consciousness to quickly follow suit.
Woohoo, Ascension, here we come.
Except too bad it doesn’t work that way. It’s actually the other way round: You fully awaken, and then, that transformation process kickstarts the permanent blossoming of your DNA. (The key word there being permanent.) Why? Because, electromagnetism.
Everything in this universe, including you, is electromagnetic in nature. Right? Which means, in part, that you’ll always strongly tend to magnetize, and pull in states and experiences that occupy your same frequency bandwidth.
You can visit higher bandwidths—don’t I know it—but soon enough, you’ll be magnetically pulled right back down into your usual resting frequency.
Your level of consciousness, and your own resting frequency, would need to already be in the same general high-level ballpark as that of your newly upgraded DNA…or else the upgrade won’t last a week. Trust me on that.
Live and learn. But of course, that didn’t stop me. The hunger was too great.
So my failed quest for a spiritual shortcut continued…
A year or two after the DNA thing, I attended a Hemi-Sync event. (Hemi-Sync has to do with sound waves, and brain entrainment.)
I was drawn to it by the endorsement from Tibetan monks, who commented that the brain wave state produced by the Hemi-Sync technology was identical to the one it had taken them 25 years of meditation practice to achieve.
Hot damn! Forget DNA, this was the shortcut I’d been searching for. I could hardly contain my excitement, knowing that a surefire route to inner freedom would soon be mine.
So there we were, each of us lying on our own floor mat, headphones at the ready, as they played the gamma wave tones that were supposed to make us go all Tibetan monkish.
I clearly felt my brain cells objecting to the unnatural pressure created by this much higher frequency—the heavy sound wave manipulation of my physical structure, trying to force it to do something it obviously wasn’t yet ready for.
Furthermore, this brain state bore no resemblance whatsoever to the aforementioned brief awakenings I’d experienced many times before.
I was devastated. And more than a little pissed off.
‘This is Bullshit!’ I blurted, forgetting to use my inside voice.
(I later realized the monks had merely been commenting on a frequency that, thanks to 25 years of diligent practice, they already had access to. Nobody was technically promising I could cut out 25 years of work and get the same result. That was just my wishful interpretation.)
Mercifully, this episode finally taught me my lesson. I gave in and accepted how I was, since there seemed no other option. And thus ended my raging hunger for an externally sourced get-peace-quick scheme.
So I well understand the anguish, and the desire to ‘get there.’ (Even though there’s no ‘there’ there. But…that’s a different topic.)
Anyway, if it helps, here’s where I’m at now, with all of this…
The momentum of the wave
Picture an ocean wave, rolling up onto the shore: Glistening. Beautiful. And entirely unstoppable in its constantly changing dynamism.
Deep within, down in the silent stillness of my own being, whenever I pause and feel into it, I know myself as not just the wave, and not just the water, but as the surging momentum itself.
And in this deep recognition, I know you are this same thing, too: You are this magnificent dynamism. This pure power, this pristine infinity. Even if maybe you still can’t feel it. (Neither can I, sometimes.)
You are this magnificent dynamism. This pure power, this pristine infinity. Even if maybe you still can’t feel it.
Sure, there are those who form the leading edge of the wave as it rushes toward the shore: The Eckharts, the Katies, the social butterflies you know online. They appear as glistening white froth, dancing on the breeze as the water surges forward.
Behind the froth are lots of somewhat smaller bubbles—not dancing so much, just being swept along in the wake of the brilliant sparkling foam. I’m somewhere in that middle bit. It’d be nice to be out in front; the view is better out there…but hey. I am where I am.
And then after all that comes the multitudinous swirls of beautiful microbubbles. No two alike. Not showy in any way, not leading the charge. Just…quietly hanging in there.
And you know what? The whole Jones thing is entirely irrelevant here, in this depth of knowing. Because we’re all riding that same wave. Hell, we are that wave, that gloriously deep, silent momentum of communion. Each and every one of us, no matter where on the wave we happen to be located.
And we’re all in the sacred process of being endlessly delivered onto the shore of our own true being, again and again, in perfect right timing.
Because we can’t not.
In other news…
As you may have noticed, I’ve moved this newsletter to Substack. It’s a much better platform, which allows me to post my full newsletter archive, along with lots of other audio and video content, all in the same place.
I’m in the process of recording audio versions of each newsletter article (past, present and ongoing), so you can choose whether to read or listen. I also intend to upload a couple of my books, making them available to read for free online.
A possible new book is also currently tickling the back of my consciousness—you heard it here first—and (if it comes to pass) it, too, will probably live out its life on my Substack.
Basically, my intention is to create as full and rich and useful a resource as possible, for all who choose to hang out with me in these incredible, transformational times.
So I hope you’ll subscribe.
(BTW If you were already subscribed to the monthly newsletter, you’re still subscribed, and you have free access to everything on my Substack.)
PS: Everything I put on Substack is offered freely from my heart, with no strings attached. So you are very truly welcome to stay with the free subscription. Yes, really. I want you to.
But in the spirit of gift, which I spoke about in last month’s newsletter, I’ve added the option of a “paid” subscription, if you feel a spontaneous desire to gift me back. The free and the paid subscriptions are identical in every way. So it’s all good, whatever you choose.
Anyway, subscriber or not, thanks for your presence. And thanks for reading.
Love always, Carrie
Thanks Carrie, as usual your newsletters arrive at uncannily appropriate moments in my life - just when i was feeling exactly that sense of "why am I not getting it??" after the umpteenth class of something (THiS one will be different!). I had also noticed that i will often feel wonderful after attending the healings of these classes that i go to, and often i think..wow is this finally that permanent shift??.. only for it to fade and me to be back to my same ole self a few days after - like it had temporarily raised my frequency but that the deep discord still present in my system eventually overrides all the harmony again. I guess i hope each time a little bit of the good stuff sticks, even as most of it flows out again, but that may be wishful thinking. Anyway there i was thinking all this when along comes your newsletter making me laugh and reminding me that I'm not alone, there are no quick fixes for most of us, and that that's normal and ok. Thank you! :-) Anna